Born Under a Waning Crescent Moon
I was a footling breech baby born under a waning crescent moon in early May and delivered via emergency C-section. I’ve wondered what that experience must have been like for my mother and my newborn self. I wonder who the first person was to hold me, while my mother was asleep with anesthesia. A birth story so wildly different than my own three children’s. I am a Taurus sun, with a Pisces moon, and a Gemini rising. For those who don’t know what the heck I’m talking about, these are known as your “Big 3” in astrology, and they each explain different parts of your personality. This post has an emphasis on the moon. Our moon sign rules our inner world and emotional identity, and as a very sensitive kid who always had a bit more depth and seriousness happening inside than what I may have presented to the world, I felt unmistakably seen when I learned my moon was in the intuitive and emotionally in tune sign of watery Pisces.
As I grew and aged, this Pisces influence had more of an outward effect on my personality. The writing I began to share publicly was always a bit sentimental and tender. I was never afraid to get into the deep conversations. I was even once recounted as “intense” behind my back by a retreat leader. Maybe this person meant it as a compliment? Maybe not. I can’t say for sure. But I did begin to consciously internalize these opinions, and I viewed them as flaws, something I needed to fix. I would often swing all the way over to self-deprecating humor, which was also something someone later noted about me out loud. And that really was probably meant to be a compliment, but I didn’t like the way it made me feel. Like I was trying to laugh at myself in a way that conveyed I jokingly liked to put myself down, so others would be comfortable around me. There’s modesty and humility, and then there’s belittling. Even if it’s in the spirit of humor, it’s unsupportive to one’s sense of self. Surely, I could be disarming without making myself the butt of all the jokes.
I guess it was awkward and uncomfortable for me as a kid who on one hand was deeply sensitive and painfully shy, while on the other hand was also witty, quick, and a bit sassy (that’s the Gemini rising in me). Guess which way is more celebrated and accepted and easier to be around? So, this intense and deep feeling part of me at times just felt like a hindrance to something, to connecting with others, ironically, until I realized later in life that maybe I wasn’t meant to connect so deeply with everyone. And if I was too intense for some, that was truly okay. Because it’s this sensitivity that has always allowed me to easily tap into my intuition. It’s the reason I’ve always been a spiritual person regardless of the religious tradition I was raised in. It’s what has made me a seeker, a life-long learner, and a deep thinker.
There is a place for humor in my life though. I shudder to think about the human experience without it. But it no longer serves as a tool of self-deprecation. It’s so necessary for me to laugh at myself and to see the hilarity and light-heartedness in life, but I don’t need to mock myself to do that. I don’t use this part of myself to counteract the other anymore.
It’s a practice though. It’s easy to slip into autopilot and fall back into old, familiar, behavioral patterns. Coming back into awareness does come more naturally to me now (a valid reason to start/continue mindfulness and meditation), and self-compassion follows suit.
So, what has helped me come to understand the many layers of myself? My unique astrological map: my birth chart. I know this has gotten really popular over the last few years, and I think that’s a positive thing. Any tool we can use to assist us in self-examination is a gift. Some people “don’t buy it”, and that’s okay if it’s not for them (although I can’t help to think you’re missing out on yourself). But when you explore this method, it becomes more difficult to deny its accuracy. I’ve described an astrological birth chart as putting the puzzle pieces of yourself together. We are all made up of the same ‘stuff’, but in varying patterns and endless combinations, like our genetics. We are both connected and remarkably unique. If you don’t know where to begin, I’ve linked below a birth chart calculator and another one for discovering the phase of the moon you were born under. When you’re ready to wade deeper in, I will happily recommend some gifted and skilled astrologers to help you interpret your chart, so please do get in touch.
I hope these words have supported and inspired you to take a look around inside and notice the ways you may have been unknowingly rejecting some of the most special parts of you. I hope your perspective of this part might change from “hindrance”, as I saw it, to great strength as it really is.